advent

My church is having advent prayer once a week in the morning during this advent season.  I guess its exactly what i need... a little accountability (not that anyone really even knows if i go or not, except of course for the "Big guy").  

Now I thought to myself- why dont i just get up early and stay inside my nice toasty house and spend that time with God?  

Well, the answer is simple.  

Because I wont do that, instead I will roll right back over in my even toastier bed and go back to sleep.

So up I got this morning and over to the church I went.  

I was a slip and fall accident waiting to happen since it was a solid sheet of ice on the sidewalks (and the roads, i imagine).  I should have laced up my skates and skated over instead.

Anyway, back to prayer...  I brought along my journal that Drew made for me in college that I used to take sermon notes in and right down prayers when i was  a "newbie" Christian.  It has been a whole year since i wrote in it (since last advent prayer!)  Now a little part of that is because i blog now more often than i write, but a big part of me wishes I had that "newbie-ness" back.  

That desire to change the world, or at least change the hearts for the better of anyone and everyone i came in contact with. 

I wrote prayers in there for people i barely new, but i really meant them and wanted God to help them more than I could imagine.

We all have our rough patches in life, and we are going through some challenges right now, but God is so good and wants to bless us more than we know.  A lot of times, I believe we are the ones standing in the way of our own blessings.  

Sunday was really moving for me at church.  I was alone and was able to really focus and pray during an extended time of worship.  (thank you to all the wonderful nursery and childcare angels downstairs!)  I felt God was really telling me that this could be a fresh start, a new beginning and I am standing on that.

I have my moments (too many sometimes) of judgement and criticism of those I love most, but I can choose to be open and loving each day.  That is a choice I am choosing.  

At mom's group last week we talked about whether we are kinder to strangers or to our own families and that really struck me.  Lately, I know I am MUCH kinder to people I hardly know then to my own husband.  I thought about why that is and I realized it was because they didnt really know me, so I got that "fresh start" with them very easily.  They didnt have to look through all my junk, because they didnt know what it was.  They gave me the benefit of the doubt - that i was an OK person and I could quickly be kind back to them.  We have to work so hard to put the crap behind us and see through those beautiful eyes of Jesus.

God- thank you for fresh starts, for new beginnings.